Love _____ AKSHR

 

Love

 

I am absolutely, definitely, positively, unquestionably, 

beyond any doubt, in love with you

 

but will never say

 

and you will never know

 

that in this moment, I am somewhere else.

 

 

I am thinking: I could have loved you better. 

If only I had known more about the self you carried within.

 

 

I wish we could have known what was coming, 

so that we could have enjoyed it together. 

If only we had been better at being alive, 

taking in the world around us and 

loving each other fiercely until the end.

 

 

I think of how your hands felt on my body, 

how they held me and pulled me closer and tucked me in. 

How every touch made me feel every part of you. 

And now I can barely remember 

where those places are on my own body.

 

 

Now everything is almost over and there 

is no way to tell you this: 

That if I ever see you again it’s going to hurt like hell, 

but I’d do it anyway because it will be a way to finally 

admit aloud something that has been buried inside all these years: 

that long before your last breath stopped beating through your chest, 

my heart stopped beating with yours.

_____ AKSHR